I feel that throughout the project I failed to update the blog as often as I should, and failed to document my interviews, my intervention, not tracking all stages in the process, and I have been focusing more on the results, the outcome, the way my presentation will be, what will I display in the festival and what will come out of this project for my at the end of the course.
I feel that I was focused more on the results because that's the way I act and behave in life. I'm a doer, I need to see results, outcomes, final figures, I set goals and I follow them and sometimes I neglect the process, the way to the results.
Another problem I have is being used to get alone by myself, might be a bit low self confidence and uncomfortable to reach out to people and ask them to talk, to tell them about my project and to ask for help.
I grew up with one sister who suffer from autism and has a very low ability to communicate. My father worked abroad most of my childhood, and we moved with him for few years to Nigeria and went back to Israel, while he continued working in Nigeria going back and forth to Israel every couple of months.
I was the older child and felt a lot of responsibility on my sister and my mum, who raised us both almost by herself. I was independent and tried to get alone by myself without causing difficulties with my parents. When I was 15, my mum was diagnosed with ovarian cancer (and passed away 5 years afterward) which increase my way of getting alone by myself, not to ask for help or assistant or even share my life with my parents.
I feel uncomfortable to organize a group meeting for an intervention, and to ask women to open up to me, expose themselves, since I'm not going to expose and share my story and my hardship. I felt it's not fair to ask them to do so, when I'm not able to provide the same from my side.
During my therapy sessions I'm working on my ability to reach out and ask for help - help from women to interview, help from colleagues, expert, stakeholders and even from friends. I've been making a progress and I feel that this project is allowing me to gradually voice my needs and expectation during the process, it's been a journey in me as well as outside of me.
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