Touch

an experience, memory that is related to touch

The first one that comes up to my head, it's not politically correct,

I have a round cushion, size of the behind made from real fur. My beloved, very beloved grandfather was a fur maker, here in the UK.

He was born here but came from a poor family from Poland, when he turned 14 he quit school and started an internship with a local Taylor. That was his destiny, to become a tailor, learning a new skill and mastering it. after he finished, he started working in this field

He got married and had a son, that was very ill, and the WWII started. He wasn't sent to the army but was a fire warden. After a while, they were evacuated to Wales, and when they just arrived they were asked if they are Jewish, the replied that they are, and he asked them to go back to London.

So they were sent somewhere else, in the north UK, a place they didn't like but they stayed there, settled down and stayed after the war as well.

After the war, he found a job as a traveller agent of a fur manufacturer and after a while, he opened his own business. He had a showroom, sell, manufacture and made. I have a memory as a child going there and running through the hanged furs and the feeling on my face and my hands, and the smell of it, and knowing this place was owned by my beloved grandfather. When I was very small 4-5 years old, I went to my uncle house, where they bough his daughter who was a year younger than me a small chair, or a stole made of bamboo. I refused to sit on this chair because it was itching and scratching my feet. so my grandfather made me a fur cushion to put on the chair so it won't itch. of course, my cousin got jealous so he made one for her as well. so it became a sort of tradition and he made one for each grandchild.

I don't know what end up with the chair and also at one point, I stopped carrying the cushion with me every time we went to my uncle's house, but I kept the cushion.

I used to sleep with it for years, university and all, until my husband and I moved in together. like a security blanket. My husband didn't like it was in our bed, he said he feels like there's someone else in their bed, like my grandfather he's in bed with us. so I kept it in my closet and it moves houses with me. We moved to our new house recently so I found it in my closet again, I took it out and stroked it for a while. All the cousins were saying that my cushion is the best one, the original one is the real things, and the rest are just knockoffs.

No one is attached to their cushion the same as I'm attached to mine. It's so soft, I know it's not OK to like fur, but I have it for so many years, it also still carry the smell that I liked, after all these years (more than 40 years TF), it stayed very soft and looks good and shiny.

I will show it to you later when we'll get to my house, and now that I think about it, I think I will bring it back to my bed, or next to the bed. I also have teddy bear, that when my husband started travelling a lot from work, I complained I'm alone in bed, so he bought me this teddy bear and when he's away I sometimes hug the teddy in my bed. the rest of the time it kept outside my bed. In one point, my son was feeling so sorry for my husband for not having a teddy like mum, so he gave him one of his own when he was about two years old.

2

The thing I hate the most is a cat brushing up against me or rubbing against me.

Just a cat? especially cat. it's horrified me, just the thought of it, makes me squeeze inside myself.

I'm afraid of cat, and a bit allergic to them, or it might be psychosomatic I don't know. I can't be in a closed place with a cat/dog, it makes me feel all wheezy.

In contrast with the fur cushion that you use to sleep at night with (TF)

cats are smart and every cat that goes near me brush against me. they feel I don't like them, they don't like it so they get closer to me.

We have a friend and we went to visit him, he had a roommate that had a cat. I never think to ask in advance if people have a cat in their house. usually, it's fine, I asked if they can keep the cat in another room or some other creative idea. most people agree to do so, but this time he refused behalf of his roommate that was the owner, so I agreed just asked them to make sure the cat will stay away from me.

So the cat went to me right away, brush against me with his tail, oh the tail. and I was shocked, squealing, asking my partner to take the cat away from me, so my partner became my bodyguard. I tried to stay cool, I wanted to impress our friends and I want him to be impressed by me, so I had to keep it cool. anyway so we kept talking and socialising, suddenly I felt the cat on the back of my neck brushing against me like a scarf and I panicked, screamed and jumped on the coffee table and stood on it. I told my partner to take mt out of there right now, he tried to dismiss it, showing me the cat already ran away, tried to be light about it, but I refused, screamed hysterically. My partner tried to help me down from the coffee table but I refused, I completely lost control, I didn't care what everyone thinks of me I just wanted to remove myself from the house. He ended up carrying me on his arms and never came back there.

For me its partly the fact that I'm afraid of cats, the cat force itself on me, without my consent, and I still remember how humiliated I was back then. remove me from myself, I'm so horrified from that, I just let go of everything, losing control.

All the cats want to touch me. I hate cats since I was a child, probably because of my mum, she hated cats as well, both me and my sister are afraid of cats, my sister was treated with hypnosis to discard her fear.

In Israel there are street cats everywhere, I refused to take out the garbage since there were cats lurking next to the bins. but I'm afraid more of the house cats because they try to brush against me and want to be stroked. It's always in their terms, they don't come when you call them, only when they feel like. I had some disagreements with friends regarding this issue:

I went to a friend's house, that she had cats, she put them away, but the cat escaped I got very scared. I told them that I'm not going to come over again if the cat wouldn't be kept away from me in another room. It brings me a lot of anxiety and I can't enjoy the evening, I can't eat or relax. So my friend decided that she will give me a therapy to release my fear of cats. She said she read somewhere that when people who are afraid of cats, getting exposed to a lot of photos of cats and start to heal from it. I asked her to stop sending me the photos because they disgust me as well. It also feels likes she is forcing it on me, If I want to treat my self I'll do it my way and on my own terms. There was time in my life that it was hanging between us. When I moved to London, I don't see them as often, and they moved to a house with a yard, so the cats can hand there, and I think I handle this better the past few years, I don't want my kids to be scared of cats like me so I try to contain myself in front of cats. I used to cross the street when I see a cat, now I try to challenge myself and stay on the same side of the road, and I feel better.

Another friend, in my book club, we were very close, it was her time to host the club, and she had two kittens. I asked her if she can put them in another room while I'm there. So first few times she agreed and put them away, but after a while, they did some renovation in the house, and I came over and saw one of the cats walking around the house. I asked her to take the cat (I always feel uncomfortable asking people to do so), and she started yelling at me that she fed up with that, I can't tell her what to do in her house, that it's not her problem, that I should accept er house and her rules. Another woman in the club stood by K and told the friend that it's not ok to behave like that and that he should understand that K has a phobia, not just being difficult, and asking for your understanding and help. I was very pleased with the woman who stood by me, and afterwards, the friend with cats said she didn't know I had a phobia, and she thought I just didn't like cats. Every time I think of a cat touching me it gives me shadders a surfacing sensation in my throat.

I have furs from the two sides of my love-hate touch spectrum. It feels almost the same, the difference is probably the constant, I like to hug with it when I want to hug, it won't break the rules, VS the cats that force itself on me and alarm me.

3

association game

I try - with my eyes closed seem like applicant os something else, hard, decorative.

It's pretty but doesn't feel nice

wrapping bubbles - I remember my father was bringing that home because he knew my sister and me like to pop the bubbles and play with it. I pop it a certain organized way, like the way I eat corn. I have some at home saved from past packages I have received and I don't through them away because it's so bad for the environment. I save them so I can reuse them in case I'll need to wrap something fragile as well by doing so I protect the object and also passing the problem of getting rid of it to someone else.

shell - I like the size of it, I like to stroke it, the ridges are very satisfactory. I like the way it feels in my hand, there is a lot of haptic interest in it.

bags of leaves - (I think I sew it too much and now You can't see the leaves, and it's hard to touch it). I prefer to touch the leaves through the fabric and not to touch the leaves directly. With the fabric, it feels like one unit, break into pieces, feels like a pillow that was made by someone who was lost in the woods, versus just ground and leaves.

I like dried leaves, I love the sound they make when stomping on them and the smell. I like that it means that the seasons' change, in Israel there are not much of season change (fall or spring), and when we moved back to London I just noticed how much I like it. It also remind me of my childhood because I was born here in England.

lovesong embroidery - nicer, softer, it's very romantic, Jane Austin. it's very beautiful. Robert Smith's voice makes me want to cry, something very sad, melancholy. He was so edgy back then with his hair and makeup.

It feels very feminine, old times, you can have conversation while doing the embroidery.

It feels romantic and I feel nostalgic to older simpler times, but on the other hand, it was a time the limited what women do. What can a woman like me would have done back then, I don't have the skills to do this work, but the lyrics that you wrote are from a band that were breaking the rules, so there is a subversion of the embroidery. There is a retro now, for crafts, knitting club, shops, for people who like these things, going back to craft and creation can be very therapeutical, but going back to this limiting crafts and not to other activities from the past. Why do they go back to this kind of crafts?

Nostalgic to Israel - When renovating this house, I wanted to have tile floor with underfloor heating. I like the feel of the tiles, walking barefoot on them. I like that they are cool in the summer and warm in the winter, it's the way we had in Israel and I remember the feeling of walking on the floor. A touch the reminds me of Israel is heat - hot, feeling hot, warm, summer, sun. A touch of London - cold. Now that I'm older I prefer hot then cold.

I like to feel warm, I like hot showers, but cold swimming pool,